Unhealthy Vs. Healthy Mindset


By Jonathan Taglione M.S. LPC EMDR Trained

Truer words have never been spoken when looking at the picture above. “We are what we think”, can shake the very foundation of what we believe about ourselves. There have been many times when I questioned my ability/skills to reach my goals. With emotional support and using skills I learned to battle self-doubt. I discovered anything can be achievable with a healthy mindset.  In this article we will be discussing the topic in three areas and how they link to each other:  Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and Achievement. Whether you believe you can/cannot accomplish a goal is based on mindset. And what your mindset is will determine success, if your mindset is negative and self-doubt yourself at every decision. Accomplishing your goals will become difficult which self-esteem is negatively affected.   
            Your self-esteem is a based on your mindset. Self-Esteem is important because it can propel us forward to reach higher goals. If you are suffering from negative self-esteem, there is one important step to help you achieve a healthy mindset. Challenging Your Fear- There are many things that we are frightened, for example: Fear of being rejected, Telling people about our vulnerabilities and looking weak, Afraid that we lack the intelligence/skills to be successful, Feeling life is in chaos by not being in control, etc. There is one simple truth regarding fear. Once you expose yourself to fear and face it, your fear will eventually subside. And you will have a feeling of exhilaration. Exhilaration is when you are happy that the fear event is over. Because of experience what seemed to be difficult in your mind, becomes easier over time. Fear drives self-esteem down tricking our mind to believing that our abilities are not enough. Exposure is the ability to allow yourself to be afraid but not removing yourself from fearful situation. Taking small steps and building your courage through exposure. The fear becomes manageable and easier. This will cause you to feel exhilaration increasing your confidence which results in self-esteem rising.   
Social Relationships
            Social Relationships are very important. If you go online there are many websites that will tell you social relationships affect our mental and physical health positively. What we get from them is emotional connection, sense of community, and social support. Without these three aspects, a person will develop feelings of being isolated and rejected by people they want to connect too. If you are feeling isolated then your mind is telling you that you need to break out of your home and make connections with people.
1) Emotional Connection- Emotional Connection is a bond with people that generates feelings of trust. Which you can be vulnerable and share mutual life experiences. Without emotionally connecting life becomes difficult to trust people and effects mindset negatively. For example, “I feel awkward around people. People think I’m weird. I’m better off alone. I feel judged at school, no one wants to be my friend.”
 2) Sense of Community- With emotional connection comes a sense of community. During the beginning of time, people developed groups so that they could share resources and hunt for food. Today a sense of community gives people positive feelings. What struggles they are facing, they are not alone. Depression feeds off of a negative mindset in which isolation increases, causing negative self-esteem. Joining groups with shared interests gives people the opportunity to make friends and receive social support.  
3) Social Support- With a sense of community comes social support. Social Support is receiving assistance from friends who are trustworthy and provides aid through difficult life challenges. Friends make a difference in your life, they can encourage you to achieve goals and help you get out of your comfort zone. Creating positive friendships will last a lifetime. Through their support you can relate your fears, worries, and anxieties to friends. This will push you to reach higher goals. Make achievements you thought were impossible possible.  
Looking back on your achievements with pride will help you increase your self-esteem. Achievements can be many different trials you have experienced. Pat yourself on the back you got that job promotion. You earned your degree even through it took you many years to complete. You served many years in military service. You moved to a different country and just earned your green card. You are a single parent who is doing the best job he/she can with your situation.  You survived 5, 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Previous achievements will help you reach higher goals. You have been successful before and will be successful again. People have a tendency to focus on what is wrong with their situation. Take a step back and focus on what achievements you have accomplished. This will ignite the fire you need to raise your self-esteem. Battle your negative mindset and replace it with a positive mindset. Do this every day and you will see a difference but couple it with positive affirmations.  
            What is the difference between an unhealthy vs. healthy mindset? Well an unhealthy mindset is when a person is suffering in three areas: Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and Achievement. When that happens, the three areas previously mentioned turn into: Self-Doubt, Isolation, and Regrets. To battle this, we need to increase our Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and recognize previous achievements. To do this we need to face our fears, engage with people gaining emotional connection, sense of community, and social support. Focus on our achievements with pride. Once again thank you for making it toward the end of this article. Please leave a comment and drop a like. I hope this article was beneficial toward your journey. Find your positive approach. 😊