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Video # 7: The Drama Triangle

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to PAC’s seventh video. Today we are going to be talking about the Drama Triangle and how engaging in roles: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. These roles have a negative effect to the point where relationships can be damaged and cause miscommunication, broken trust and  verbally aggression. Which causes drama in the relationship to increase causing more strain and pain in the relationship. Only through taking ownership in our part that we play in the relationship, and communication can we stop the drama triangle in its tracks. Please drop a like, leave a comment, and subscribe to our channel. “Find Your Positive Approach.”

 

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Video #8 Getting Over A Crush

Welcome to Positive Approach Counseling’s eight video. Relationships can be hard especially if you are have strong feelings for someone who doesn’t return those feelings. In this video we have 7 simple steps to help with your heartbreak. Please drop a like and leave a comment. “Find Your Positive Approach.”

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Video #6 Thoughts, Feelings, Actions Triangle (Coping with Negative Thoughts)

Hi Everybody, welcome to our sixth video. In this video we discuss how to cope with negative thoughts using the Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions Triangle. To battle negative thoughts it is important to write what you think, feel, and it leading to actions. This is one of many tools that can help. Please drop a like, leave a comment, and subscribe to our Youtube channel/Website. “Find Your Positive Approach.”

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Video #5 Immediate Vs. Casual Coping Skills

Hello Everyone,

And welcome to Positive Approach Counseling’s 5th psychoeducation video. In this video we will discuss the differences between immediate vs. casual coping skills and give ideas on what to try and practice. Pleas drop a like, leave a comment, and subscribe to our website and Youtube Channel. “Find your Positive Approach.”

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Video #4 Positive Affirmations

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to Positive Approach Counseling’s 4th video. Today we will be talking about Positive Affirmations and address how it is important for a positive mindset. If you have tried positive affirmations and stopped because it felt strange. Please check out our In-Depth Model in this video. The In-Depth Model: 1. Situation, 2. Results, 3. Evidence.  Thank you for your continued support of Positive Approach Counseling. Please drop a like, leave a comment, and subscribe to our website and Youtube Channel. My name is Jonathan Taglione, “Find Your Positive Approach.”

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Unhealthy Vs. Healthy Mindset

 

By Jonathan Taglione M.S. LPC EMDR Trained

Truer words have never been spoken when looking at the picture above. “We are what we think”, can shake the very foundation of what we believe about ourselves. There have been many times when I questioned my ability/skills to reach my goals. With emotional support and using skills I learned to battle self-doubt. I discovered anything can be achievable with a healthy mindset.  In this article we will be discussing the topic in three areas and how they link to each other:  Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and Achievement. Whether you believe you can/cannot accomplish a goal is based on mindset. And what your mindset is will determine success, if your mindset is negative and self-doubt yourself at every decision. Accomplishing your goals will become difficult which self-esteem is negatively affected.   
Self-Esteem
            Your self-esteem is a based on your mindset. Self-Esteem is important because it can propel us forward to reach higher goals. If you are suffering from negative self-esteem, there is one important step to help you achieve a healthy mindset. Challenging Your Fear- There are many things that we are frightened, for example: Fear of being rejected, Telling people about our vulnerabilities and looking weak, Afraid that we lack the intelligence/skills to be successful, Feeling life is in chaos by not being in control, etc. There is one simple truth regarding fear. Once you expose yourself to fear and face it, your fear will eventually subside. And you will have a feeling of exhilaration. Exhilaration is when you are happy that the fear event is over. Because of experience what seemed to be difficult in your mind, becomes easier over time. Fear drives self-esteem down tricking our mind to believing that our abilities are not enough. Exposure is the ability to allow yourself to be afraid but not removing yourself from fearful situation. Taking small steps and building your courage through exposure. The fear becomes manageable and easier. This will cause you to feel exhilaration increasing your confidence which results in self-esteem rising.   
Social Relationships
            Social Relationships are very important. If you go online there are many websites that will tell you social relationships affect our mental and physical health positively. What we get from them is emotional connection, sense of community, and social support. Without these three aspects, a person will develop feelings of being isolated and rejected by people they want to connect too. If you are feeling isolated then your mind is telling you that you need to break out of your home and make connections with people.
1) Emotional Connection- Emotional Connection is a bond with people that generates feelings of trust. Which you can be vulnerable and share mutual life experiences. Without emotionally connecting life becomes difficult to trust people and effects mindset negatively. For example, “I feel awkward around people. People think I’m weird. I’m better off alone. I feel judged at school, no one wants to be my friend.”
 2) Sense of Community- With emotional connection comes a sense of community. During the beginning of time, people developed groups so that they could share resources and hunt for food. Today a sense of community gives people positive feelings. What struggles they are facing, they are not alone. Depression feeds off of a negative mindset in which isolation increases, causing negative self-esteem. Joining groups with shared interests gives people the opportunity to make friends and receive social support.  
3) Social Support- With a sense of community comes social support. Social Support is receiving assistance from friends who are trustworthy and provides aid through difficult life challenges. Friends make a difference in your life, they can encourage you to achieve goals and help you get out of your comfort zone. Creating positive friendships will last a lifetime. Through their support you can relate your fears, worries, and anxieties to friends. This will push you to reach higher goals. Make achievements you thought were impossible possible.  
Achievement
Looking back on your achievements with pride will help you increase your self-esteem. Achievements can be many different trials you have experienced. Pat yourself on the back you got that job promotion. You earned your degree even through it took you many years to complete. You served many years in military service. You moved to a different country and just earned your green card. You are a single parent who is doing the best job he/she can with your situation.  You survived 5, 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Previous achievements will help you reach higher goals. You have been successful before and will be successful again. People have a tendency to focus on what is wrong with their situation. Take a step back and focus on what achievements you have accomplished. This will ignite the fire you need to raise your self-esteem. Battle your negative mindset and replace it with a positive mindset. Do this every day and you will see a difference but couple it with positive affirmations.  
            What is the difference between an unhealthy vs. healthy mindset? Well an unhealthy mindset is when a person is suffering in three areas: Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and Achievement. When that happens, the three areas previously mentioned turn into: Self-Doubt, Isolation, and Regrets. To battle this, we need to increase our Self-Esteem, Social Relationships, and recognize previous achievements. To do this we need to face our fears, engage with people gaining emotional connection, sense of community, and social support. Focus on our achievements with pride. Once again thank you for making it toward the end of this article. Please leave a comment and drop a like. I hope this article was beneficial toward your journey. Find your positive approach. 😊

 

 

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Video #3 Finding A Therapist

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for your continuing support. Enclosed is out third video this month, and more videos will be coming later this month. In this video, we talk about finding a therapist. To provide you with information and tips on how it is important to work with someone who has your best interest, Self-Pay vs. Insurance, and Search Engines. Please drop a like, hit that subscribe button and I will see you in the next video. Have a great day, and “Find Your Positive Approach.”

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Moderation Article

Moderation: Building a Healthy Lifestyle

As a therapist, you get asked all sorts of questions: Are video games healthy for my son? I joined a yoga, lyra, and kickboxing class, is that healthy? When I am bored, I am constantly over at a friend’s house, girlfriend’s apartment, this week I’ve never been home. Am I handling my depression? My follow up question for each would be, “What seems to be troubling you?” Each one of these scenarios are coping skills. However, ask yourself how much time are you spending with each activity. Moderation is finding a healthy balance in all aspects of life and not going into excess. To much of anything can be a bad thing. For example, everything needs water. 60% of the human body is made up of water. To much water however can drown a person and flood an entire city.

If we look at moderation we need to examine four aspects of life: Community, Health, Motivation, and Goals. 1) Community- Community is important because it is a source of support and gives us a place where we develop friendships. To little of community gives us a feeling of being alone and isolated. If isolation continues it can cause low self-esteem, loneliness, and social anxiety in crowds. As humans we crave a sense of belonging, to engage in friendships, and have a place where we feel supported. Social interaction increases positivity and gives a person a sense of acceptance.  However, there are negative effects of too much social interaction. You can become exhausted and emotionally drained by socializing with too many people. Too much exposure can cause you to be irritable, and crave isolation while being in socially crowded areas. Everybody needs there down time, whether its watching bad TV, reading a book, or going fishing by yourself. 2) Health- Go on to any website and they will tell you so many diets or different exercise routines to live a healthy lifestyle. Even at an early age we were told to eat our vegetables, go to bed at a reasonable time, exercise, etc. But as people we have not been able to follow those examples due to stress, time, and circumstances in life. Eating healthy is great, if you are currently on a diet I commend you on wanting to live a healthy lifestyle. However, being too strict to eat healthy, can be too much for people which causes a loss in motivation to continue to dieting. In this case, its ok to have 1 cheat meal per week.  By doing so will cause you to be energized. If you are like me I love pizza, fried chicken, cheese fries: with bacon, sour cream, brisket, and a side of ranch. But if I say to myself, “I will never eat like that again” is impossible. It may be bad for your body but it is good for the soul. Since you are taking steps to eat healthier, its important to reward yourself. By doing so you can continue to push yourself forward and accomplish dietary goals. Exercise is very important whether it is taking a 10-minute walk around the neighborhood, or training for a marathon. However, too much exercise can have negative effects. For example, too much running can cause you to lose muscles and wear out your knees. Lifting too much weight does not increase muscle mass. Instead it ruins your progress and causes too much stress in your joints/tendons. Your body will not handle the stress which results in muscle tears. Start out with lighter weights instead, and focus on form. Focusing on form will help you strengthen muscle groups and less injury is like to occur. It is important to remember to find a balance between cardio and weightlifting. Set particular days for cardio and weightlifting.  On days of cardio/weightlifting change things up frequently, Day 1: Indoor/Outdoor Swimming, Day 2: Arms/Chest, Day 3: Stair Stepping/Back, Day 4: Legs/Glutes, Day 5: Elliptical Machine/Running. Take at least two days off for your body to recover and build muscle. I am not a personal trainer/nutritionist, for guided instruction please consult one at your local gym.  3) Motivation- Ask yourself what is the one thing you love to do on your time off? For me I love days by the lake. I love swimming or anything by water. Swimming is at the top of the list for me, however toward the end of the summer I am starting to get bored with swimming, in which I have to do other things that I find enjoyable. Too much of a good thing can cause boredom. Plus, if you only have one thing to enjoy, it is important to find other avenues of activity. It could be volunteering at the local homeless shelter, dancing, hunting, hiking, fishing, playing sports, scrap booking, etc. Anything that you say to yourself: “I had a stressful day, I need to do something fun tonight.” Motivation is important because it recharges other aspects of moderation such as: Community, Health, and Goals. However too much motivation can cause negative motivation to manifest, which results in Community, Health and Goals to suffer. Let’s think about this for a minute, how could motivation can be negative? Sounds improbable, right? Actually no, an example would be using anxiety to motivate you to do your work. “If I don’t do my work on time, I am going to get fired. My wife will leave me and start dating the tattoo covered personal trainer. My kids will think their old man is a loser. And I will lose everything I have built. I need to push myself harder.” This results in self-hate, which depression and anxiety develops. Motivation is good but Negative Motivation can lead you to push yourself too hard. Motivation is important in life and will push your forward toward bigger dreams. The trick is not let Negative Motivation shame you, Motivate yourself. 4) Goals- When there are goals in life that you want to achieve make sure they follow this acronym. S.M.A.R.T which means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and Timely. This provides a map by which you are able to achieve your goals, provides motivation, which builds self-esteem. This acronym helps eliminate unrealistic goals. An unrealistic goal would be: “I will never drink again.” “I will stop eating fried foods, and just eat grilled meats and vegetables only.” Instead try the acronym: Specific- “I am not happy with my current weight. I plan to join the paleo diet and create a meal plan based on its philosophy for eating healthy.” Measurable- “Since it is Wednesday, I want to start my diet next Monday. I will create a meal plan from Monday to Sunday.” Attainable-“If I try this diet and I don’t like it I will research other diets while I am on it after work. I will see the diet through toward the end of the week and have a cheat meal on Sunday night. Ribs from Spring Creek sound good.” Reasonable- “My plan is reasonable and I have 7 days to decide I want to keep the diet or not. And while I am on the diet I can explore other options.” Timely- I feel that 7 days is good enough to decide.  I can like or dislike the meal plan. I can find something else. When it comes to moderation focus on one goal at a time. Too many will cause you to lose focus in which you won’t be able to set out what you want to achieve. Remember slow and steady wins the race.

So how do we live a life in moderation? By examining the four areas and most importantly being honest with yourself. Once again thank you for reading and I hope the tools I provided are beneficial to you. Have a great day 😊